mhz
thriver of self-destruction all while writing/trying to explain my problems and reach out to you. please remember me, please forgive me for my mistakes.
I II III IV V
find somebody who loves you enough to know what you mean when you say “don’t”.

— things my grandma taught me at 83, 2014

2 days ago · source · reblog
bummer how you think that sometimes talking about it will make things better.

— things i’ve learned, 2014

3 days ago · 1 notes · source · reblog

somebody tell me:

that others are not
medicine to my ailings

that their tears will
sting my wounds just
as much as mine will

that others wishes
are not supposed to
align with mine
all the time

but tell me instead
that i am to admire
others like the way
the sun kisses them
with its light and the
way the wind makes
them shudder harder
in the cool of the fall

tell me that something
is beautiful in
self-medication.

— self-medication - 2014

1 week ago · 1 notes · source · reblog

I had an uncle who was gay
except that he wasn’t my uncle he was
my mother’s best friend and by
“had” and “was” I mean he
died from AIDS
his boyfriend wasn’t at the funeral
and my mother shed so many
tears that the sleeve of my dress is
still wet

Shoulders are where I store emotion
the place I go to when I need to
borrow someone else’s tears filled
with hurt when I need it most

Anger lives in my teeth so
when I bite down on your
neck you will know exactly
what to feel

Secrets take hold in my veins and
arteries and I like to crawl
into them and listen to them moan
about the last time I cut them open
when your bloodstream holds too many words
sometimes you have to let them out

You made a place for yourself inside
my ribcage
tied strings around my organs
you keep the other end safe between your
fingertips so I know that you can find me
when I lose myself

You told me to do art
make lists
write things
hang lights around my room
read poetry
pry open floorboards and hide inside

I am not careful
they claw at my heart those
greedy bastards
You are not one of them

Fake books on fake bookshelves hang
haphazardly in my head
looks like tornado has
taken up residence
I am a messy galaxy scattered
with stars

I keep love on the left side
of my body three ribs down so
when you do not love me anymore you
can hit me right there
break my goddamn bones
hearts are too fragile to take
that kind of beating

Taking Up Residence, Brooke K. (via giveme-skinnylove)

one of my favorite goddamn things you’ve ever written, girl. this is flawless and wonderful. i love you loads.

1 week ago · 33 notes · Via · reblog
Anonymous asked: the fact that your reblog button says "REBLOG MY SHIT" made my night

You rock the FUCK on. Way to notice the smaller things. So goddamn admirable.

1 week ago · 0 notes · Reblog

your money pays for freed men who rape women
and your money pays for the weak that need it

there is no winning in this world
because you breathe the air
that is the same as those who kill
and by those who fight to live

— i surrender. 2014

1 week ago · 3 notes · source · reblog

you breathe in air
that’s colorless
yet you treat it
like a toxic fume
that’s black
as your heart
and you claim
it to be an excuse:

my air is the same
as yours is.

— air, 2014

1 week ago · 4 notes · source · reblog
This isn’t how I imagined you.

— six word story, mhz

1 week ago · 3 notes · source · reblog

you scrub yourself harder
and watch your skin glow red
and you feel your emotions reciprocate
the anger that your skin feels

you place your hands in the apex
and try to not notice the blood
and you scrub harder at your shoulders
and hope that you will not feel
the terror that is
beginning to pulverize
every religion and hope
that you’ve ever known

maybe i’ll feel clean
and maybe i won’t smell him
you tell yourself

but you know full well
that when you close your eyes
you will see him and that
you will hear his voice
luring you in
for the first time:

welcome to the dirty girls club.

i am so, so, so fucking sorry.

— the dirty girls club. 2014

2 weeks ago · 5 notes · source · reblog

i am so fucking exhausted and my shrink says i carry so much baggage and so much fucking shit 

i am so fucking exhausted of telling people to stray away. nobody deserves to go through what i feel and my emotions when i break down. nobody deserves to feel so low.

i am so fucking exhausted of entering things and saying no because it’s not fair to anybody a part of it.

i am so fucking exhausted of lying through my teeth so that people believe that i am happy and that i am going through good.

i am so fucking exhausted of being a part of the dirty girls club.

i am so fucking exhausted of being that girl who got felt up by some shitbag at 11. i am so tired of blaming myself because i know it’s my fault.

i am so fucking exhausted of this all because i know it’s true and i can’t do shit to change it.

2 weeks ago · 1 notes · reblog

you told me that you were finally going to get better
and i sent you off with a portfolio of all the music
that i believed would say the things that i never
will be able to say because i am a pussy and i cannot
put words to my feelings and thoughts to my words

i need you and i admire you like the way the sun
admires each strand of grass from the tip to the root
and i crave you the way the ocean craves the shore
and i savor you like the man in room 395 savored
the last cigarette and injection of heroin he ever had
because he too thought needed to get better

i am in so much fear that i will end up at your grave
and that i will have to tick your name and number
into my hips and plunge the worst of you into my heart
so i won’t feel as if i am breaking into two
because of my own personal issues

here you are going to get better and here i am
sending you off and i am fighting tears because i am
so fucking happy for you because you are here

be here now

you are fighting and you are going to be something
that i crave and something good because you
are saving yourself and i am so happy
and if this is jealously coursing through the black
of my veins i apologize because i am not
who you paint me as

even angels
have their darker stories and i am if anything
an archangel in the world that you have painted black
because of your dilemmas that you do not deserve

i painted my own sky black and i will have my walls up
because nobody i love deserve to come with me
into the darker parts of my mind

but i fear so much and need you more
but i cannot place a finger on this anger
and fear that i have stirring in between my two ribs
under my breast and above my navel
that is pumping, faster, harder

i am feeling so much and have such little
to give you back and i would rather you
move on but not do what you are doing.

you can be better, but i fear this so much
so do me a favor and love yourself
harder, stronger, better, fervently
love yourself enough to cover the both
of us because right now you
need to love yourself
and i can’t.

— scelerophobia, 2014

2 weeks ago · 17 notes · source · reblog
you need me, i need space.

— six word story, mhz

2 weeks ago · 4 notes · source · reblog

right when you need me most
i need you least
and when you need me closer
i need you farther away

and when you need me to love you
i grit through my teeth and tell you
to love yourself harder and more
because right now
i can’t love you
and right now i need you to say
goodbye to this chapter

i need you to love yourself enough
for the both of us right now
because i cannot.

— welcome to inpatient.

2 weeks ago · 7 notes · source · reblog

do you ever get momentary crushes?? as in watching somebody do something adorable/amazing/just awkward make eye contact and then HOLY FUCK just magically have a crush on them then on out/fall in love with them in just that moment?? (i.e. seeing THE school jackass treat his baby sister like gold?)

ps sometimes i fall in love with you guys with things you write about, things you send to me, and things you say about my stuff. 

3 weeks ago · 1 notes · source · reblog